Humiliating Myself

This is a true story my name is Mike I'm divorced, average 43-year-old lonely man.
So over the last few years the amount of porn I watched since my divorce had increased so much I think become an addict and a pervert.
So much so that I started to have problems getting hard, and when I did get hard, I often had trouble getting off. This led to me watching more and more perverted and kinky porn. So, I could get hard and off, but eventually, I would have the same difficulties.
I watched all straight, lesbian, group, gang bang, interracial, BDSM, cuckold, exhibition, humiliation you name I went through it. Then I came across she-male porn, and that blew my mind and changed everything.
They were so hot and sexy, and I was ashamed of myself because of how horny I got and how quickly I would cum. Especially watching something that at the time seemed so wrong and made me feel like there was something wrong with me.(how narrow-minded I was for thinking that way, and I'm so glad that I have broadened my horizons)
Of course, this eventually leads to the gay section and the sissy addicted to big black cocks. It got to the stage that the only thing that made me hard and able to cum was watching a faggot serving black men and being called a faggot cocksucker I couldn't help myself, but once I had cum I was so ashamed of myself.
This continued to the point that I was thinking of black cock all the time, even dreaming about it. I was not ashamed anymore, I started to feel like I was bisexual. yalova seks hikayeleri I would watch BBC and sissy hypnosis videos even though deep down I knew that they were not real and just a gimmick, but I couldn't stop.
But as time has passed, maybe I was wrong, and they really did work because I certainly had an entirely different mindset, so please be careful people.
Then one night, my desire to suck black cock got too much, so I found a local escort and paid to suck my first black cock. The humiliation I felt making that phone call to ask another man if I can suck on his cock and to make me a real black cocksucking faggot was unbelievable.
As soon as we established he was free and could be round in an hour, I was so excited that I thought I would cum in my panties.
The fact that I was also paying for it showed how desperate and pathetic I was. My tiny little dick was twitching like crazy, so while I waited, I put on some hold up white stockings and pink panties. Painted my nails hot pink and to finish up with hot pink lipstick. Fuck was I really going to do this to actually touch another man's cock and then suck it, could I really do it?
So, here I was in girly underwear watching this black man undress in front of me, I was biting my lip as soon as his cock was in full view. He was at least 6 inches (ca. 15 cm) soft. I was harder than I can ever remember, but it didn't help that lately I was usually limp. So, this was a clear indication of how I was absolutely loving it!
I was surprised that I didn't chicken outin fact, as soon as he asked me to get on my knees. I was down there and sucking him instantly. I suck licked and kissed I took him all the way in my mouth and the head pushing into my trout he started to grow to full harness making me gag as I took all of his now 9-inch cock down my throat until I was balls deep.
Furthermore, I was choking and slobbering everywhere and struggling to breathe but at that very moment I didn't care, I was in pure bliss.
Thank goodness, I had been practicing on my 8-inch black for at least a year.
I sucked him for the entire hour I had paid for until the point and without any warning I tasted his cum in my mouth and without even thinking about it, I swallowed the lot, it just happens so naturally.
So thinking to myself weeks later there must be some black men out there that just wanted their cock sucked because it was gonna start getting costly if I kept paying for it.
So, I joined grinder and got chatting with a few, mostly time wasters. Then I started talking to this man, and we exchanged numbers and set up a meet.
All day we were texting each other about what we wanted from each other, and again my penis was like stone at the thought of the evening ahead.
I texted him saying I was leaving, and then he told me that one of his friends was also on his way to him and I will get 2 black cocks.
This frightened me as I wasn't ready to try to please 2 black cocks, it was too much too soon. So, I stayed home, very horny and frustrated and pissed off.
So thinking maybe I should give up on this, I don't understand why, but I called a female escort. Before I realized it, I was standing in front of her and being told to strip.
That's when it dawned on me that I was totally smooth below my neck apart from the tiny little square above my dick, what made me look even more like a faggot.
Oh, well, here goes, so I undressed and stood there with my tiny little dick. I'm certain that I saw a smirk on her face as she tried not to laugh. She started to put a condom on me with her mouth.
I was so humiliated because it took her a while to get me a bit hard to get it on, once she did she laid back down and said fuck me and hurry.
Well, this was a disaster as I flopped around trying to get an in and when we did, I couldn't feel anything, and she was looking to the side and looked bored and avoiding eye contact. I could see that she was struggling not to laugh.
Secretly I was hoping she would let go and just laugh her head off at me, that would have blown my mind.
She suddenly pushed me off and said time up, get dressed. There was plenty of time she just had enough, I was so embarrassed.
On my way home and still haven't emptied my balls, I suddenly realized that I must be a full-blown faggot now and all my masculinity was gone.
I was rock-hard talking to black men and a couple of strokes from coming, yet I was just with a woman who was sucking and trying to fuck, and I was still limp.
This is a 100% true story and I would love to hear what you thank.