It's All Good

Still shaking, now, after, even though in a few days it'll be difficult to recall your voice or face, for now it's still vivid. But I'll find ways. Even if I never email you, or see your band again, this story remains in honor of what we did early in spring.

It's been a long haul, the last months, the better part of a year, ending by half in a bleak winter of disquiet. When the ice on the river broke, so did the river of ice through my heart. It was time to purge, to prove something. Let's face it: I was in heat; I just hadn't realized it yet.

All that day, all night, restless. That's atypical of me. I had to get out, to go out for once, and rounded up a friend who was up for some adventure. Or not. You just never know. Uncomfortable, being so antsy. Sitting there, bored; at least I had company, my best friend, who'd originally nearly had to drag me along into this particular bar. "Our" place is just dead tonight. Hardly anyone's dancing. So we sit, and we watch. We play the "which one?" game. Jen and I start out liking the same band guy, but then she notices he's got tits, and I see he's too old for me, so we try again. I've not really had a good look at you, behind several cymbals and toms, with headphones on during any songs with programming. On the first break you walk around, looking around, and finally settle on sitting with your singer and his pick-up.

We rule you out. My friend cocked her head and pointed at you with her shoulder, to which I'd rolled my eyes. No--too young, too skinny, too shallow. She keeps flicking her eyes at you and I keep snorting. 'Come on, I'm twice his size!' Second break though, God knows how or why, you approach our table. Up close, your face shows a few lines around the eyes, like mine, and your squint has more beneath it than just empty-headed superficiality. You're talkative, made brave by alcohol, just as annoyed by this country music shit as we are, though you've got to play it.

So it comes to the point, as you sidle up, throw us a few experimental words, body-language your way into our little inner circle, where we just know. The correct type of eye contact, the tilt of head, the quirk of eyebrow...However it is that people signal each other, you're doing it