Fast Forward

2022
I think it was on a Tuesday, sometime in the middle of the semester when I got this urgent sounding voicemail from my department head. She was requesting that we meet as soon as possible. This was unusual... Elsa's management style was pretty much hands off. I got to run my operation as I saw fit and as long as my performance goals were met it was rare that we ever got to see each other in person. And I'd been at this for so long it never felt like much of a challenge to meet whatever demands were expected of me.
I had a long walk to the other side of the campus to reach her office. Along the way I allowed myself some space to get distracted and let my mind wander. Was I getting promoted? Some new assignment? Or maybe not. Maybe she was going to tell me that our funding had been cut again and I was getting laid off. That wouldn't be the worst thing. I am getting older, an early retirement could be just the kick in the ass I needed.
I finally found myself sitting on the other side of a desk from from her. Try as I might, I couldn't make any sense of the look on her face. Usually she's congenial. Professional. Her expression an easy road map telegraphing whatever we were going to cover.
"Thanks for coming, this is a bit unusual for me. I'm not sure how to even begin..."
Reverting to my usual clueless self and trying to be helpful, "...well, why don't we start at the beginning. What's up?"
She pointed her chin at the large screen monitor hanging off the wall and hit play on the remote.
1975
My wife was off on a shopping trip with some girlfriends. Usually the fact that she was gone left me with enough free time to catch up with everything I'd missed during the week but I remembered that my neighbor Mike had invited me over to come check out his new fangled VCR. This was cutting edge stuff back then. You could plug in a videotape and actually get to watch a movie whenever you wanted. Combined with his new Color Sony Trinitron it seemed like some far out tech from the future.
I got to his house just as his wife Leslie was on her way out the door. I'm not sure the term "MILF" was in use much back then but she sure had every characteristic that would have qualified her as one. Gorgeous pale white skin. Deep hazel eyes. Her butt and boobs a few sizes thicker than when she was in her prime but for me, the extra inches were like a gift that seemed to come with age. Just to get a glimpse of her boobs and cleavage was a rite of passage for every pimply faced kid who ever got the privilege of helping her unpack her groceries.
She cornered Mike and rattled off an endless list of things for him to do while she was gone. Shopping. Yard work. The dishwasher. Something about the water heater. I glazed over, exhausted just to have to listen to it.
When she was finally out the door, his face lightened up and he motioned me to follow him down to his rec room. Pretty much all the suburban houses had one. Knotty pine wood panelling. A bar. The requisite neon beer sign stolen from a tavern that had long since gone out of business. A couch. A TV on a rolling cart. The coffee table piled high with back issues of Popular Science and Field and Stream. Off in a corner, a big cardboard box overflowing with cables.
I lit up a joint and tried to stay out of the way while Mike started to fiddle with the VCR making adjustments like a low rent mad scientist.
"I've been dying to show this off to someone besides Leslie..."
I'd come over thinking we were going to watch a Bond movie. Something with evil villains. Cool gadgets. Lots of things blowing up. It seemed like just the thing to do on a Saturday afternoon. Mike pulled out a VHS tape. Bright yellow and red packaging. I think it might have said Swedish Erotica. He plugged it in and the sound of all sorts of motors and pulleys jumped into motion. Nothing happened on the screen until he remembered the TV had to be tuned to channel 3.
"Why channel 3?" I asked him.
"I have no fucking idea. The Japs designed this thing. I'm sure they must have had a reason."
After a few moments, some static, scanning lines moving from left to right and finally a picture of an official looking FBI warning.
He grabbed the remote and hit fast forward.

The motors from the VCR kicked into overdrive and the people on the screen start to run around like stilted figures from an old silent movie. The marijuana was just now starting to kick in. Watching people fuck at 6x normal speed had to be the funniest thing I'd ever seen. Against a wobbly sound track of bad R